Leavin' on a jet plane

Well today is my first full day of Jason being out of town. For the most part, while he's away, the daytime hours pass as usual. It's when I get home after work that I notice the stillness of life without him. I expect to see him walking through the door with that ear to ear grin that still melts my heart every time I see it. Then I realize that I'm not going to see that smile for a few more days and I start to feel all alone. (As I am typing this, almost as if on cue, my beautiful calico baby girl curls up on the desk beside my keyboard. It's almost as if she's reminding me that they -my furry babies- are still here.) I know I'm not alone. Jason makes sure to call me as much as possible. I talk to my Mom, probably more than she'd like to, and then my wonderful 2nd family (Jason's family - they are much too special to be called in laws) call and check in and also extend wonderful invites to dinner. As nice as it all is, it just doesn't make up for him not being here! I just love sharing every day, ordinary life with him! Everything seems so much better when I get to share it with him! I know I could live without him if I had to, but I also know that life would never be quite as "sunshiny" or filled with quite as many rainbows! Hurry home, baby doll! We (your shuga-booga, Gracie Girl, Superman -AKA Jiggy- and your Jezzy Girl) are all waiting with our arms wide open! We love you beyond!

Babies and such

There are so many things that I keep thinking that I want to blog about: our house remodeling project (which will probably last about 10 years), how much we enjoy the quietness of country living, how my husband is such a great handy man, and lots of other little tidbits that I'm sure most of you won't find very entertaining. However, right now, my mind and heart is consumed with the most recent life journey that Jason and I have begun to travel...having a baby. We've been "family planning" for a while now (long enough to know that something isn't working right). Since my so-called baby years are quickly passing (at least in my opinion), we decided to not waste anymore time and go to the doctor to see if they can figure out what's going on. Fortunately, for Jason things on his side are good. Unfortunately for me, that means the burden of not becoming pregnant yet lies with me. So far they have confirmed that there are no problems with my blood work that would cause complications. The next step will be for me to go through a HSG Test. It should determine if there are any blockages or problems in my fallopian tubes or my uterus. I'm not looking forward to this. From what I've read (sometimes the internet isn't a wonderful thing) and heard this is a very uncomfortable procedure. I have actually been torn as to whether or not I want to go through with it! I'm just not sure how much testing I'm willing to do! Anyway, for now, I have agreed to take this next step. Where the road will lead us after that I am not sure. I have a lot of thinking to do. How far am I really willing to go to get to experience being a Mommy? Right now...I'm not sure.

I'll keep you posted.

And of course, my wonderful husband, who doesn't have to go through any of the physical testing, would like to weigh in as well (see below).

Jason's thoughts.....i like trying to make the babies! practice makes better babies!

A Wonderful Life...

For once in my life, I truly feel that I have it all. I have an amazing husband, two exceptionally loving cats (Jiggy & Jezzy), a spoiled rotten dog (Gracie), a wonderful home with lots of potential, and a job that (for the most part) I love. What more could a girl ask for, right? Unfortunately, for me there is more. I could ask for a chance to go back in time. Back to 1990 so that I could change the course of my life, but would I really want to do that. Every decision (good and bad) from that day forward lead me to Jason, the man of my dreams. I wouldn't give that up for anything, but I can't say that my decisions that year still don't haunt me. They do, every day. If only I could find her! I honestly believe that I could feel some sense of closure if I could just tell her why and let her know how much I/we love her. Maybe then I could step back and live my wonderful life guilt free!